Delivery requested.

Dear Universe,

I'm starting to feel like a single girl again!
(See me doing the jig, screaming "woohoo" and jumping up in the air.)

It took awhile but its finally happening.  Which means I'm totally available.  That's right Universe, the possibility of dating is now an option. Now lookie, it doesn't need to be this whole big serious thing.  It could be a bit of a travel companion.  It could be a weekend affair.  But just in case you have anything in store that I'm unawares of, you should you be considering your options in terms of what and who this new character in the tale should be like, I'm here to give you some pointers.

Here goes:

• Make sure English (or Afrikaans) is his first language.  Communication gaps are sucky.
• Make him sophisticated in an offbeat sort of way.  Think Hugh Laurie in "House".  Yup.  I have a thing for him.  I also had a thing for Jeremy Irons for years.  He's a bit on the old side now but you know what I mean.  Stop laughing.
• Intelligence is sooo sexy Universe.  Load him up.  But don't make him so clever that he can't function like a normal person.  Just clever enough to be quipy and funny, and from time to time damn insightful.
• Give him some kind of spiritual path or ideal, but please make sure that he's not a flake.  I can't deal with flakes.  I don't want to date a monk or someone who uses the word "energy" too much.
• He should be a tall oke.  (At least taller than me and not because he's wearing heels or standing on a brick.)  And dark.  And handsome.  Have you had this order before?
• I have a weakness for well-defined upper arms Universe.  Load him up.  Whenever I feel sad I can just glance over at those well defined arms and feel happy again.
• It would be lovely if he had a passion for something.  You know, a reason to get up in the morning.  Once again Universe, it's all about balance here.  Enthusiasm is good, obsession deeply unsexy.
• Make him a whole kind of person.  All his woundings should be pretty much in the bag, only leaving wisdom behind.  We all have issues Universe but make his issues bearable.  No OCD or bipolar.  In fact, no pill junkies of any kind.
• He should have experience.  Maybe he's well traveled.  Maybe he lived with the pygmies for 5 years to study their eating habits.  I don't know.  Experience is hot.
• Make sure he thinks that I'm the cat's whiskers, his muse, his favoritest person.
• It would be nice if he had enough money to take me out to dinner without it putting a dent in his budget.  He should have some clear financial goals and be good with money.  Weekends away would also be accepted with smiles and the like.
• Make him not want to get married or have babies.  Both make me feel like I can't breathe and want to throw up at the same time.  Sure, he can buy me a ring, heck, we could even throw a party, just don't ask me to sign my life away and we're good to go.
  

I hope this list clarifies any queries that you might have had.  Should you need more information, please do not hesitate to contact me.


I look forward to your feedback,

Yours truly,

Alice

The arms Universe.  Good arms.