Dear Universe,
Living in a hostel room with 2 other people in your thirties is testing to put it mildly. It's kinda like being back at university except with a constant soundtrack, bad accents and all night parties. I now spend alot of time daydreaming about expensive hotels where people wait on you all day and you go for free manicures and back massages. (I could really do with a free back massage after week 1 of being a maid.)
Didn't have a good night's sleep. Guests had a party downstairs till 5am and I live right above. They must have been playing fussball because it would be silent and then suddenly all hell would break loose, punctuated by one specific screaming whooping woman who must have been the drunkest of them all. Everytime just as I was asleep she would go off whooping again.
This morning I went to take a shower only find that someone had blown chunks in it last night. The smell when I opened the door was undescribably horrific. It looked like the person in question had been to a Wendy's buffet before drinking 3 bottles of rainbow colored alcohol. Been cleaned up since (luckily not by me) but I still feel traumatised and unsure if I will be able to use that bathroom again. It was un-nice and put a sour spin on my day. With my lightning reflexes I quickly escaped back to the safety of my room and slammed the door to make sure none of the horridness followed me. All was quiet and lovely there as both my roommates are still away. (Thanks for that!) However, I'm still perched on a top bunk and spend alot of time feeling like some strange oversized bird. Which is weird.
After my shower surprise I went to reception to inform someone about it and discovered that my favoritest person in the whole world was at reception today. Her name is Brooke... Like in the soapie. You know, it takes a special kind of person for me to dislike someone instantly. Brooke is that special lady. She would be that person. It must be because she's so short that she has that big attitude. Every single time I've spoken to her I've left feeling that I've offended her in some way. Talk about a passive aggressive bitch! She's nasty but never so nasty that you can actually point a finger at her and call her a cow, which will have to be remedied because I'm dying to offend her. Our conversation this morning went something like this.
Me: (sweet. innocent. traumatised.) Hi
Her: (not looking up) O. Hi.
Me: How are you?
Her: How would you be if you were earning $10 an hour.
(uncomfortable silence)
(finally decides to make brief eye contact) I thought you were going to burning man.
Me: I am. Starts Sunday night and I leave on Monday.
Her: Oh well, that's weird because David left yesterday already.
Me: (Who the hell is David?) He must have an early pass which means he's helping with the set-up.
Her: (look of disdain) I don't think so... Anyway I couldn't care less, I would rather die than go to Burning Man. What can I do for you. (Said with one of those super fako stick-on smiles.)
Me: (seeing heavy object and wondering what would happen if I threw it at her.)I just wanted to let you know that someone blew chunks all over the bathroom.
Her: (Looking like I've just insulted her mother.) Well. I'm not going to clean it.
Me I didn't think you would, I just thought that I should let someone know?
Etcetera etcetera. She needs to find an exercise program that she can commit to. Maybe she will lose some weight and get rid of that bitter tone in her voice cause its spreading disease.
Anyhoozle:
By the time I get back from the Burn my room will be full house. I will be bunking with two Russian girls, I think they are both 20, and you know those people have stamina that I don't have man. They gonna party all night and come back drunk and switch on the light and drive me crazy. Then I will wake up early and switch on the light and make some noise and that will drive them crazy. I'm just too old for this party.
Universe, in all your Wisdom, help me to come up with another solution to my current living conditions. It would be met with great appreciation, clapping, applauding, a dance of joy and mucho indebtedness. I will spread the word of your good deeds.
Love your work,
Alice
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