Every time you go off in search of new outfit you return with a collection of items that are all two sizes too small. Why, do you ask (the one sane person over there in the corner) would you do that? Ah. Yes. Why indeed.
The truth is that I have nothing to do with this decision you see. It’s my tricksy mind that does the work. Once the conscious part of my brain realised that I no longer fit into a size 38 it closed up shop and stopped communicating. Things have never been the same between us. It refuses to come shopping with me which means that when you meet me in a mall all I am is an empty vessel, a zombie of sorts in desperate need of clothes that fit.
It's like a weird kind of stroke obliterated the part of my mind that knew that I could in fact be even larger than I had feared I could become and there was nothing I could do about it.
I now have an entire wardrobe filled to the brim with things I can’t wear. The most loaded item is a beautiful black dress I bought for a small fortune and that I’ve never worn outside the confines of my room. Do you have that dress? The one you buy because one day you’ll fit into it and when you do you’re going to look just gorgeous and so it sits in your cupboard year after year and every time you see it you’re reminded of the devilish pact you made and it depresses you to no end because the chances of you ever looking good in it becomes slimmer by the day...
The dress looks at you as if to say: “You’re a money waster, lard ass,” at which point you start humming a little upbeat tune and quickly pick up the stretchy pants you wear most days that still has a label in it reading size 38 but you know just know that it's gotten much much bigger over the last12 years...
And then you one day my friends, one day you come back from a long and lovely trip from abroad and you fit into your clothes, and you’re not sure if it’s the trip that did it or the part where you pined yourself half to death but you don’t care because either way it worked and now all you have to do is to hold on to it, hold on to your new body that’s at least 2 sizes smaller than it has been in the past 10 odd years without obsessing over it.
And perhaps when you go to that wedding next month, perhaps you can throw on a little black dress you've been hanging onto, just in case.
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