Change for me has always been accompanied by a hightened sense of death: as the Ultimate Change it can be found in every micro-part of itself. This time is no different. I dream that I am shot, that I fall off the top of a building, that I am eaten by animals; gruesome dreams that shake me awake late at night. I feel my skin burning off leaving raw open wounds behind and I wake clutching myself.
Slowly I drop back into a couple of storylines. I am the character in the soapie that mysteriously disappeared 6 months ago and my surprise return has left everyone agasp. I've been re-cast as the villian/bitch/disillusioned child who brings a renewed sense of drama to the scene and mechanically I play my part, as surprised by it as everyone else.
In the first week of returning to SA (exactly like in my first week in the US) I have lost people I believed I never would, fought with people I never expected to and realised that 2009 will go down as a life-changing and painful year for yours truly.
I am spinning like a top.
We hear you!
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