Trust

In 2002 I was hijacked when I parked outside of my house. It took me awhile to realise that I absolutely HAD to go for some kind of counseling, which I did, albeit 6 years later. Counseling definitely helped me to digest some of the sticky issues surrounding what happened, but it didn't heal the broken trust in the world. We are all born with an innate sense of trust that the world will support us. Any kind of trauma completely destroys that. It's like being privy to information you weren't supposed to know about. But now you do. You know that the world is unpredictable, that you aren't special, that we all die, that you need to watch your own back because no one else is going to do it for you. Maybe this is the most important reason why I had to come on this trip. To learn to trust the world again. Because the reverse is also always true - you are safe, supported and loved at any given time. There are two sides to everything and the trick is not to lean too much in the direction of either. The Middle way, as the buddhists say. I hope to learn to walk in the middle way by the end of this trip. For now it's stressful being here, feeling unprotected and insecure. I go into the fear to conquer it. I refuse to spend the rest of my life living a sheltered and safe existence - I might as well be dead then. And so I will march on. I hope you are marching with me.